IT ALL CATCHES UP: THOUGHTS ON SELF-CARE, SELF-AWARENESS (AND TO A LESSER EXTENT, ANGELS)
Self-care has to be a priority when you work in a helping profession like mine. I have done this work long enough to see what happens to people when they don’t. For example, I live in the land of “spiritual, not religious.” Nothing is wrong with that if spirituality or religion doesn’t work for you. But when you do helping work, you must work harder to find something outside yourself that grounds you and enables you to find your center. I have seen younger and less experienced healthcare clinicians burn out or give up because they did not understand this.
In the world of hospice, where I have my day job, we are not only dealing with death and dying and all the medical issues that come with it but also the way the specter of death unleashes ALL of the “closeted” and often toxic family dynamics. When I served people as a chaplain, my social worker colleagues and I took the brunt of the psychosocial and spiritual blowback with this, struggling with families to balance their grief and emotions with focusing on the sick person’s plan of care. A lot of times, though, people make things about them and not the ones who are dying.
I include clinicians when I say that. Chaplains are the only discipline in hospice care with training that forces self-reflection on how one's identity affects one's work. We undergo intensive training that continually confronts our defense mechanisms and how we avoid staying with someone’s pain. By the end of that training, you never want to do it again—but at the same time, you are grateful for the increased self-awareness you have about yourself as you do the work.
I am bringing this up because sometimes, even neglecting self-care to care for everyone and “take one for the team” belies a deeper self-centeredness. What people typically call a savior or martyr complex. Many people in the helping professions have this issue, which is why psychotherapist training programs and certification bodies often mandate trainees to be in therapy themselves. The bottom line with these professions, especially the psychologically oriented ones, is we cannot help others heal if we do not have our own experience and awareness of being healed.
However, even if a person is aware and does their work and tends to the garden of their own spirit periodically, the hard truth is the work of human services WILL get to you. It just will. If you are the least bit empathetic, intuitive, or a compassionate and loving person, bearing witness to the suffering of others will get to you. I can only go so long hearing about brutal domestic violence, childhood abandonment, and sexual abuse (among a very long list of misfortunes!) before the sadness makes my heart hurt. This, for me, is the moment where I need to plug into the Source of what I believe in to remind me of the bigger picture—a picture where I have zero control over it but get to be a note in the symphony I call God.
You are probably wondering what this has to do with angels at this point. When I look at entities like the Shemhamforash Angels, I see an entourage of spirits with long-standing relationships and care for humanity. Though I cannot prove this, I think the connection is intimate with them because they are the “descendants” of the more ancient Decan spirits. These spirits historically were bound to a part or function of the human body. If I am right, these Angels can be understood to be intimately concerned with our well-being. When we are discouraged and mentally overwhelmed by the evil we see, we can appeal to Elemiah for relief from its burden. When clients live in mortal fear and guilt over a shady past, we can teach them to work with Aladiah to find the courage to live through the shame. When we are saddled with depression, and even if a psychiatrist cannot find a way to lift the dark cloud, we can pray to Ornael and seek their companionship to remember we are never alone.
I lifted these Angels and created a class in their honor because I believe having allies who meet you where you are is good. There is value in reaching for something big like the Holy Guardian Angel. But there is also something to be said about being able to dial up your oldest friend who gets you, where there’s no bullshit in the relationship, and no matter how long it goes between talking, the moment you pick up the phone, it’s like no time has passed. We need both guiding forces to get through the challenges of this life.
This is going to be my last post about my “Working the Names” class, but I have had these thoughts percolating for a few days and wanted to share them. The link to join before we close the registration is here: https://www.theblackthorneschool.com/courses/working-the-names/.
May the Angels always guide you to your best self.
